Corporate Challenge
The kick-off to the 2007 Kansas City Corporate Challenge is rapidly approaching. Unfortunately, my company won't get to defend our championship from last year as we were moved up a division. This means more competition against bigger companies. But it's no worry. We have the leadership in place to tackle the challenge. Our CEO is the ultimate motivator. If you don't believe me, check out the e-mail he sent out encouraging his scientists-moonlighting-as-athletes to sign up for events. I mean, how can you not sign up for practically all of the events after reading this?
Subject: POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE (otherwise known as Corporate Challenge)
From: The best CEO ever
Sent: Monday, April 9, 2007
Dear one and all:
Corporate Challenge has to be one of the worst-named things going. Anything with the word ‘corporate’ in the title is bad news. We are used to seeing headlines about ‘corporate greed’ and the like. And ‘challenge’ sounds too much like hard work. In essence, Corporate Challenge is what you do from 8 to 5, Monday through Friday. It’s no wonder people don’t flock to sign up for Corporate Challenge.
Had they asked me (and they didn’t), I would have suggested they call it POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE, which stands for: People of all ages pissing themselves laughing and applauding anyone and everyone who participates in any event.
To be honest, I didn’t really want to participate in last year’s Corporate Challenge. You may find this hard to believe, but I’m slightly past my prime, and I didn’t want to spoil the memory of my sporting youth with some cruel facts about my current athletic prowess. What was worse, Alex convinced me to participate in a swimming event, which was my worst sport in high school. I seem to recall that I didn’t really swim through the water as much as I drank my way from one end of the pool to the other. And I seem to recall it was a pool of Clorox bleach, not water. (You could tell when I had swum/drunk for my school because two days later my turds turned white.)
I was even less thrilled about participating in Corporate Challenge when I looked for something to wear. I found my old, high-school Speedo. Kay encouraged me to wear it, once she had turned it into a bikini top. She’s encouraging that way. I settled for an old pair of rugby shorts. They were black, which is supposed to be slimming. Kay has photographic evidence to the contrary.
I can’t imagine anyone participated in Corporate Challenge with less enthusiasm than I did. But that’s because, up until the point when I did actually participate, I didn’t really understand what Corporate Challenge was all about. I thought it was like high school sports, which is all about winners and losers. However, in Corporate Challenge, the loudest cheers, the longest applause and the greatest enthusiasm are not for the athletic jocks in the prime of their youth; they are for those who didn’t let age, ability, shape, talent or size prevent them from participating. The person who won my swimming event (some 50-year-old mutant whose ass was one fifth the size of mine) got lots of applause when he finished the race (smiling all the way). But when I finished (gasping for oxygen after about the third stroke), everyone – and I do mean everyone – was cheering and clapping wildly (with the exception of the paramedics, who were too busy disconnecting the defibrillator).
If bad memories of high school athletics are keeping you from signing up for this year’s event, let me assure you that you will have nothing but a positive experience by participating in Corporate Challenge. It’s a laugh a minute. It’s totally different from high school competitions. And you can legally drink beer afterwards.
All of this is to say: Go ahead, sign up for Corporate Challenge. I guarantee you’ll have a lot of fun (and you’ll get a cool T-shirt). In addition to having fun, you’ll help the team, because EVERYONE who participates earns points for the team, even if you finish dead last. The reward is as much for participation as it is for performance.
Personally, I don’t have an excuse for not participating in Corporate Challenge, which probably means you don’t either.
So get with the POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE program and sign up...
All the best,
The best CEO ever
Subject: POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE (otherwise known as Corporate Challenge)
From: The best CEO ever
Sent: Monday, April 9, 2007
Dear one and all:
Corporate Challenge has to be one of the worst-named things going. Anything with the word ‘corporate’ in the title is bad news. We are used to seeing headlines about ‘corporate greed’ and the like. And ‘challenge’ sounds too much like hard work. In essence, Corporate Challenge is what you do from 8 to 5, Monday through Friday. It’s no wonder people don’t flock to sign up for Corporate Challenge.
Had they asked me (and they didn’t), I would have suggested they call it POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE, which stands for: People of all ages pissing themselves laughing and applauding anyone and everyone who participates in any event.
To be honest, I didn’t really want to participate in last year’s Corporate Challenge. You may find this hard to believe, but I’m slightly past my prime, and I didn’t want to spoil the memory of my sporting youth with some cruel facts about my current athletic prowess. What was worse, Alex convinced me to participate in a swimming event, which was my worst sport in high school. I seem to recall that I didn’t really swim through the water as much as I drank my way from one end of the pool to the other. And I seem to recall it was a pool of Clorox bleach, not water. (You could tell when I had swum/drunk for my school because two days later my turds turned white.)
I was even less thrilled about participating in Corporate Challenge when I looked for something to wear. I found my old, high-school Speedo. Kay encouraged me to wear it, once she had turned it into a bikini top. She’s encouraging that way. I settled for an old pair of rugby shorts. They were black, which is supposed to be slimming. Kay has photographic evidence to the contrary.
I can’t imagine anyone participated in Corporate Challenge with less enthusiasm than I did. But that’s because, up until the point when I did actually participate, I didn’t really understand what Corporate Challenge was all about. I thought it was like high school sports, which is all about winners and losers. However, in Corporate Challenge, the loudest cheers, the longest applause and the greatest enthusiasm are not for the athletic jocks in the prime of their youth; they are for those who didn’t let age, ability, shape, talent or size prevent them from participating. The person who won my swimming event (some 50-year-old mutant whose ass was one fifth the size of mine) got lots of applause when he finished the race (smiling all the way). But when I finished (gasping for oxygen after about the third stroke), everyone – and I do mean everyone – was cheering and clapping wildly (with the exception of the paramedics, who were too busy disconnecting the defibrillator).
If bad memories of high school athletics are keeping you from signing up for this year’s event, let me assure you that you will have nothing but a positive experience by participating in Corporate Challenge. It’s a laugh a minute. It’s totally different from high school competitions. And you can legally drink beer afterwards.
All of this is to say: Go ahead, sign up for Corporate Challenge. I guarantee you’ll have a lot of fun (and you’ll get a cool T-shirt). In addition to having fun, you’ll help the team, because EVERYONE who participates earns points for the team, even if you finish dead last. The reward is as much for participation as it is for performance.
Personally, I don’t have an excuse for not participating in Corporate Challenge, which probably means you don’t either.
So get with the POAAPTLAAAAEWPIAE program and sign up...
All the best,
The best CEO ever
posted by Kevin at 7:32 AM
1 Comments:
Ha! That's great!
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